I’m sorry, but I have never been able to get down with Black Friday. First of all, I go to bed by 9 p.m. – even on Holidays. And, more importantly, I own a computer and an iPhone. People of America, stop the insanity! You all have access to a computer or smart phone; if not, you literally would not be reading this blog. And, if somehow you obtained a printed copy of Style Graham, let me be the first to tell you: (1) you are a caveperson (who probably rides a dinosaur to work), and (2) there is this new creation called the internet where you can shop online! And you don’t have to stay up all night waiting in a line with toothless hill-people! And you don’t have to risk getting trampled when Target’s doors slide open at 12:01. And you can still save money on holiday gifts!

Here is my breakdown of the biggest Cyber Monday sales:

Ann Taylor – bet you didn’t think I was going to say that. Yes, it’s a bit more conservative than most of the clothes you see me in on Instagram, but as an attorney getting 50% off a suit is not objectionable (lawyer humor is the worst). Use the code: EVERYTHING to get 50% off your order plus free shipping.

For Love & Lemons – one of my favorite brands. Grab one of their sexy illusion dresses for a night out. Yes, I know, I live in Miami and it’s warm year round, but, for those of you up north, throw a cute duster over your frock and quit being a wuss. Enough with the North Face jackets on Saturday nights, girls! WTF. Get 25% off everything starting Thursday at 9:00 p.m. through Monday.

Journelle – because nice underpants are always important. From November 20 through December 1, Journelle has savings based on the amount you spend: Save 15% off $150, 20% off $300, and 25% off $500.

Nasty Gal – every Girl Boss needs some cool shizz. On Friday, after you shake off your turkey hangover, you can get an extra 30% off markdowns and, on Monday, when your boss isn’t looking, additional items will be 50% off.

Carbon38 – with New Year’s Resolutions around the corner, you’re going to need cute workout outfits to motivate you to go to the gym … for two weeks, before you give up and return to competitive pizza eating as your sport of choice. Everything is 20% off starting Friday through Monday.

Milly – Speaking of New Year’s, grab this sick NYE jumpsuit over at Milly. On Monday, take 25% off everything on the site with the code CM2015.

These deals are so good they’ll have you dancing in your fringe skirt.